What Are You Sending Out?

Yesterday was a big day for me! I had been working on clarifying JourneyWay’s 2-Step Course to help adults regain control in their lives when I discovered that my own idea of the destination I’d been working on was still only a dream and not a plan. That didn’t really come as a shock to me as much as the surprise at having been caught in my own habits and distractions. A bit of background information might be in order here…

The destination, or end-goal, I’m working on is to reach that place in my life where I can sell my belongings and buy a small, used sailboat and sail around the world. Completing a full circumnavigation is not as important to me as being a liveaboard cruiser and exploring what I can of this world by way of the sea. I want to experience the opportunity of having what I need with me self-contained and to make my way in this life in an uncommon way. I want closer contact with nature and to learn to live with the weather, seasons, and whatever storms might cross my path. To me that image reflects a simple life and in it lies the picture of freedom that I’ve carried with me for so long. That was the dream.

The wake up call occurred when a friend and faithful reader pointed out something in one of my personal posts. It might have come from, Another Mid-Life Crisis on my personal blog site. (Link opens in a new window.) The friend has known of this dream for some time but while she was reading the thought occurred to her, “Oh my gosh, he’s not going to do it!” That realization struck her pretty deeply. She wasn’t sure if she should tell me but I am grateful for knowing her thoughts. And to be honest she may have been right. It wasn’t a decision that I had consciously made to change my plans. Rather, what I think she picked up was an unconscious conversation I was having with my self that ran along the lines that I was doing it again: Dreaming and not Planning… Wishing and not doing.

What are you sending out?

What is the unspoken dialog you’ve been having for so long with yourself that you don’t really even hear it anymore? What are the words, pictures, and messages you’ve come to believe? For me, I was sending out my doubt about my dream. That doubt has been with me through most of my life and I’ll tell you this, it is tricky!

You see, I don’t doubt my ability to sail a boat or to be comfortable and happy underway, at anchor, or exploring new places. I don’t have any problem with all the things I’ll need to learn to accomplish this dream. New languages, engine repair and maintenance, navigation, storm handling, dealing with corrupt customs officials in countries different than the one I’m so used to. None of those things trip my doubt. I am comfortable with that picture of my dream. (I do need to work on envisioning it much stronger to help bring it closer to reality and I’ll be writing on that later.) For now, I want to talk about my true doubt in hopes that you might be able to relate it to your own unspoken fear, uncertainty, or disbelief.

What I’m sending out is my doubt about doing what it takes to make my dream happen. There is a place inside me where I’m not sure if I can really get out from under my debt or be able to generate enough money for the sailing kitty to bring this wish to fruition. Doing my dream? That’s easy! But doing what I need to do to get there? That’s another topic entirely and that is where JourneyWay’s 2-Step Process comes in. If I walk through these seemingly simple 2 steps with emotional honesty and mental clarity then there is truly nothing that can stop me from letting loose the lines and moving out of the harbor. Nothing. And I believe those 2 steps will work in nearly any endeavor you’re working on too.

Doing the Steps

This week’s quote says it well,

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~  Mark Twain

While learning from my friend that I was sending out a different message than the one I thought I was offering, I was reminded of the course I’m working on for this website. JourneyWay’s vision is to help adults regain control in their lives, achieve success, and build self-confidence through web courses and coaching. As I was working on outlining the tasks under Step One I realized that I was stuck and have been for a long time. I was building a great system to teach others and wasn’t using it for myself. To me, my dream was about freedom. I had forgotten that of my coaches reminded me that one way to achieve freedom is through eliminating debt.

That’s when I remembered the book I’d just picked up: Suze Orman’s 2009 Action Plan. What I had been looking for was new financial information for 2009 that would take the changing market into account. Oprah invited Suze Orman onto her show to walk the audience through the Action Plan. During that show, the book was offered free through download from Oprah’s site. It will be available from both Oprah’s and Suze’s sites for a limited period of time. (The Oprah link is here. Click on the book photo for Suze’s link.)

Eliminating debt. Money. That was the one area that I hadn’t put any energy into; the one place in my life I’d systematically ignored. It took a friend who cared enough to mention my doubt and remembering my coach’s point about debt to wake up and see what I really needed to do in order to achieve my destination. And that’s when the click happened. I’m sure you couldn’t have heard it had you been standing next to me, but it came through loud and clear and I not only heard it in my head, I felt it all through my body. The switch had been tripped!

Throwing the Switch

When we finally choose to turn our dream into a plan–when we really choose inside and out–it’s as if a huge circuit breaker is thrown. All the energy from inside us swells and moves us into a new direction that is in alignment with what we most want to achieve. You’ve heard me say it before, if you don’t make different choices today than those you made yesterday then you will end up with a tomorrow that looks just like today. So let’s talk about dreams and plans.

• If you don’t write it down, it’s a dream
• If “doing” the steps that will get you closer to your desired destination aren’t important enough to do, it’s a dream
• If you’re not willing to make the difficult choices to change your life today for the one you most want tomorrow, it’s a dream
• If you can’t clearly describe the steps to get you there, it’s a dream
• If the goals needed to get you there aren’t in your calendar and tied to a timeline, it’s a dream

So, in my case I pulled out the 2009 Action Plan and began walking through the steps listed there. The first was to calculate my credit card debt. I needed to overcome the fear and really look at where I was financially. Knowing my debt did something positive for me even though the news didn’t look good. It gave me a clear picture of the most important mountain I needed to climb in order to achieve my plan: To sail away. Rather than beat myself up about where I was, I could see the steps I needed to take to get to where I most wanted to be.

Making the Plan Important

The switch had been been thrown, the energy was already moving and I began to see what I needed to do. I was feeling as if I was sending a different message out just by changing my focus. I had to answer the question: Is my current lifestyle more important than what I really want to accomplish? The answer was a clear and resounding, “No!”

So what did I do? I’ve begun making a list of all the things I have that I’m not really using that can be sold to reduce my debt. For example, the minute I thought about selling my favored dual-sport motorcycle I knew it would happen; even in this market. A quick email to the owner of Happy Trails in Boise and I learned that he would hold the bike on consignment and that one of their biggest open houses was occurring this weekend. When you truly make the real decision in your life, when the switch is thrown, things begin happening very quickly.

The West Wight Potter trailerable sail boat is going on the block along with whatever else can be scrounged up. While what I’m putting up for sale has meant a lot to me and is tied to good memories, it’s time to let this stuff go. All of it will bring happiness and joy to someone else; someone who has that thing tied to their own dream and plan. While writing this article that list of things I can let go continues to grow. The first step of this process is tied to that all important question: Am I willing to make changes in my life in order to reach what I want more than what I have today?

The 2-Step Process

I’ve written about the process that I’ll be releasing later this month. It is directly related to my belief that Life is a Journey. As such the process involves the 2-steps and included tasks that we each take when we plan a vacation, leave for a business trip, get on a flight, drive down the road, or sail out of the harbor. On the surface it sounds simple, yet underneath resides the power needed to help you truly reach the realistic destination you most dream about. I’ll write more about that process shortly.

What are your dreams? What have you hoped for? Have you quietly and imperceptively given up on those wishes, maybe without even noticing it? What are you sending out?

Don’t give up. Not even to yourself, even in private when you think no one can notice. Be aware of what you’re sending out. Grab your favorite journal or notepad and start making a list. Write down the long range dreams; what have you always hoped to see yourself doing? Include the more immediate topics. Do you need to get out of debt, find a job, mend or create a better relationship, change your education, or switch your environment. What do you most want?

Please feel welcome to leave a comment or make suggestions.

As always, Live your Best,

Zane Darner

First, Find Your Pain

The quality of your life is determined by the focus of your attention.
- Cheri Huber

To regain control in our lives we must begin somewhere! Often, we feel out of control, unhappy, unfulfilled without really knowing why. If asked we could point to a few areas in our lives, details mainly, that illustrate that things aren’t going the way we want them to. But we’re still stuck.

To regain control in our lives we must first find our pain. Many of the affordable courses offered online at JourneyWay.Com can help us discover a starting place. There are even a few free tools that can be downloaded and worked on that will help act as a great starting place.

The most important thing to remember though… Is that we must be willing to really look at our pain. Often we are scared to look beneath the protective layer we all have to discover the true source of our discomfort. To regain control in your life you must begin somewhere.

Even if you have to begin, and begin, and begin it’s okay. Today, right now, is the time to stop procrastinating and feel safe enough to look under the covers to find just one thing that is keeping you from living the life you most want to live.

An easy way to begin is to think about the Four Rooms of Your Life: Mind, Body, Heart, and Spirit. What is the state or condition of those highly important facets of you?

Is your mind free and clear, easily churning away on the thinking and learning tasks of your life? Or, do you find it hard to concentrate, difficult to remember things, or just tiring doing mental work? Do you give your mind things to do? (i.e. card games, word puzzles, sudoku, etc.) What hobbies do you have that rely on the mind? Music, sewing or crafts, or even spending time working out the course of your life’s journey?

How about your body, heart, spirit? Many of the same questions apply. Are these areas of your life open and moving or closed and sluggish? How do you feel about your body? How are your relationships with others? How about your relationship with God?

By walking through the process of first finding our pain we can quickly begin to map out where to go next. There is an idea that if we take care of even a small road block in our life that very action allows us the space and energy to then begin work on another area. It is freeing move through this process.

For your to-do list, try this. Take four sheets of paper and label them Mind, Body, Heart, and Spirit respectively. Now fold those sheets in half lengthwise. In the left hand column of each page begin writing down what’s not working in that room of your life. In the right hand column of each page begin listing what is working okay in that room of your life. Be honest but be fair. You can work on all four at once or on one at a time. It’s simply important to begin!

Now, you have two really important chunks of information. 1) You have some pretty accurate lists of what’s holding you from the life your really desire. And, 2) you have a great collection of items you can begin to actively be grateful for. With the first list, pick one at a time and slowly start to create the change needed to either erase it from the left column or to be able to move it over to the right. With the second list, begin a gratitude journal or notebook. Each day, before you go to sleep, jot down a few things you’re grateful for that day. It can be one thing, or it can be five. Keep the number low–it’s not a contest. It is however an act of thankfulness that creates a different way of seeing yourself.

The Roadblocks Course will be available within the next month. It will take this concept and expand on it allowing you to truly look at every area of your life and begin to make postive, lasting change. To regain control in our lives we must begin with ourselves.

Let me know how this exercise works for you and feel free to post a comment here. Also, remember to sign up on the home page in the top right corner with your email address in the ENews and Updates box. I’ll keep you posted on changes here and on what’s coming around the corner.

All the best!

Zane Darner
www.journeyway.com
zane@journeyway.com

Helping adults regain control of their lives through affordable online courses, education, and coaching.